A Note from Katie

Hello friends and family! Dan says it’s my turn to update and share today, so I’ll give it a go.

He has done such a wonderful job keeping up this blog and explaining and expressing what this has been like for me and our family. I’m sometimes a little embarrassed when I sit and read our blog because of all the attention on our trial as I know everyone reading has their own trials and struggles to manage and yet have been so kind and gracious in strengthening us through our current situation.

We are doing great… at the moment.

This has been a wave of ups and downs, physically and emotionally. Its become a predictable cycle for the most part following treatments and that helps. It helps to know when I’m feeling sick that it won’t last forever, in fact, in about 8 days Ill start feeling good and keep feeling good until my next treatment. We just finished a wonderful fall break of me feeling well, spending time with our kids, complete with Jenna’s birthday celebration, pony rides, leather stamping and woodcrafts at the pioneer village at ‘This is the place” Monument (Where we now have a year membership because when you bring a family of 8 its only a few more dollars for the year membership). Then a corn maze and pumpkin patch and pretty fall leaves.

I’ve felt good, great really! It was a week to forget I’m “sick” and just completely enjoy. And we did.

Today is treatment 4 out of 6. Thats 2/3 of the way done. We won’t know much about my progress until after we are all the way through chemotherapy. They don’t want to over scan and cause stress and worry if things don’t seem to be making remarkable changes throughout this process of small but steady changes. But its almost November folks! We will be through this before we know it!

I’m sad I’ll feel sick for Halloween and Thanksgiving and Sammy’s birthday, thats just how the timing will probably work out but I should feel good for Christmas. And Im grateful, I can’t help but be grateful, SO VERY grateful for everyday. Because I’ve realized, there are a few things I’m in control of and a few things I’m not. Im not in control of how my body responds to the things we are trying to do to get rid of this cancer, I’m not in control of how long I get to stay here in this earth life, that is God’s (Although I hope and plan for a full long life with many wonderful things ahead of me).  I AM in control of how I take care of myself, how I treat other people and my perspective/attitude. Those things are mine and Im selfishly keeping those away from the negative thoughts that try to take over or the small “annoyances” that would like to frustrate me.

I heard results from my genetic tests. This was to see if there are mutations in genes passed down through generations that were the cause of this cancer and would be passed on to my children. We were happy to hear that the results from the most common genes correlated with breast cancer were negative, we are still waiting for a few results, but it sounds like I didn’t get it from my parents or grandparents which means I won’t pass it on to my children. That was a big relief and one of my biggest worries. Spencer asked me a few weeks ago if Jenna would get this when she’s older and at that time I could only say I hope not. I guess its still “I hope not”, but it’s nice to know she is not carrying it in her genes from me. No parents wishes hardship on their children. We all want what is best for them and try to provide that. Its been really special to hear and learn from our children as they go through this with me, each experiencing things a little differently. One child rubs my head and kisses my cheek and asks how I’m feeling while one child can’t hardly handle the thought of me being sick and would rather talk and joke about anything but my cancer and actually seems to avoid me a bit. They both love their mama but are processing this differently. I’m learning a lot about seeing the good intentions and love people are trying to convey as they sometimes struggle to find ways to do so, but all with the intent to express love and support.

Its like uncle Hub’s speech in “Second Hand Lions” that we watched twice this weekend, thanks to Rachel and her excursion for a new DVD player. (If you haven’t watched it recently, I think you’ll find it worth the watch.) ANYWAY, People are basically good. We all try and struggle and grow. I believe that. I have been the beneficiary of so much goodness from other people through this time and throughout my life. People who themselves carry heavy burdens. One of my favorite church hymns is ‘Lord I would Follow Thee’ Verse two says,

“Who am I to judge another when I walk imperfectly? In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can’t see.”

I love that and think of it often, in the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can’t see. And yet these are the people coming to our aid and loving and buoying up our family. You all are A-MAZING!

SO… here we sit as I receive 8 bags of pre meds and meds, which have been affectionally named by friends and family, Captain America juice (the steroids)  poison (the chemo) and power juice (also the chemo, both names accurate) and then we will move forward with the week, planning for resting and some of the not so fun stuff. Halloween is Thursday so we’ll have in our house this year a lumberjack, morph, cheerleader, BYU football player, Masha and Bear and a tiny super man. Always something to look forward to along with another visit from my dear parents.

Life is good my friends, not much to complain about here when everything that really matters to me is intact. Thanks for your continued support and love!!!

P.S. Notice who blows out the candles on Jenna’s birthday cake, Jenna’s face makes me laugh everytime! (Don’t worry, she got another chance to blow out candles 🙂